Gone Away
by Chikita
Summary: Songfic Nakago has to come to terms with Soi's death and dealing with his emotions is something he isn't prepared for.


**Gone Away**

A/N - I don't own any of this. The lyrics are by Offspring.

_Maybe in another life_

_I could find you there_

_Pulled away before your time_

_I can't deal it's so unfair_

I could only watch as you threw yourself in front of me without an inkling of second thought crossing your mind, I could see it in your beautiful eyes. My throat closed up, it became dry. I couldn't say a thing as I only watched in shock as you sacrificed everything for me – your life.

Why did you? I know you loved me, but why did you want to take your own life for mine? You were so full of life, but you risked it for me. Now you are longer here when I will be in need of and wanting you the most.

I do have you; thought in a very spiteful ironic way. I can hold you in my arms and be your knight in shining armour, but only too late. I can carry your off into the sunset, but you will never again be able to see them.

And…the cruellest part of this is I never told you how I felt.

I never got to hold you close and whisper in your ear, "_aishiteru_…" like you have said to me so willingly, without a second's worth of hesitation.

I hear your sweet voice echoing in my brain. It's only a memory now, just like everything else about you; your smile, your scent, your beauty…everything…

I can only hold your lifeless body in my arms, your hair billowing around your form, as the ribbon fell out. Your hair is no longer held back from your face; you're beautiful with your hair both up and down. I wish I told you…

I don't want to let you go, but I know that I will have to eventually.

Morosely I sigh.

The gods are truly cruel; they had to take their angel back so soon.

I miss you already. If I miss so you so much just holding you like this, knowing you risked the most precious gift of all for me, how will deal tomorrow?

_And it feels_

_And it feels like_

_Heaven's so far away_

_And it feels_

_Yeah it feels like_

_The world has grown cold_

_Now that you've gone away_

I have nothing to look forward to, only the bleak future I have been cursed with by my birth. I did have something, you, but, no longer to I have such a wonderful thing. I only have the frigid world I was born into to look forward to.

I know I will have to go on, but only my body will, my soul will be unable to. Everything is so cold now; I can no longer feel your chi with mine. It's warm out, I know it is, but it feels so cold; you're so cold, so gone from me.

I can only hold on to you and think about everything I now regret never doing.

I regret never telling you that I love you among everything else; I regret this more than everything that I regret. It is something that hit home; right on target, that one sore spot; an area that absorbs the pain of hurt and lose like the ancient clothes of time.

Lamenting remorsefully, I heft you in my arms, holding you close. You still smell like roses, death hasn't taken that from you yet. Your complexion is only slightly pale; your beauty hasn't been stolen from you.

I hold the tears at bay. I know they are there, but they aren't falling. I'm not stopping them.

I can't shed a tear for you, my dear…

But I feel so much pain clenching my chest. I know the tears want to fall. But they refuse to fall. I must've used them up as a child, as I have none for you, the one I love more than anything in this forsaken world.

Inside I'm torn; I'm crying.

I don't want you to be done… For now I'll let myself believe you're only sleeping; your eyes are closed gently. But I know I can't live in this illusion for long… I'm not a child.

Oh god, I miss you…

_Leaving flowers on your grave_

_Show that I still care_

_But black roses and Hail Mary's_

_Can't bring back what's taken from me_

_I reach to the sky_

_And call out your name_

_And if I could trade_

_I would_

Soon it will be hard, having to place you for your blissful eternal rest beneath the earth of the cold ground, separating us indefinitely. I can only cling to the last few precious moments I have right now, as I show you the love you deserve, even though it is too late.

I can only hold your limp, lifeless body in my arms, as I wander aimlessly without reason through the corridors of the imperial palace of Kutou.

Even bringing on the death of the cold-hearted man that tormented me as a child, showing me only the ruthless merciless face of man and brought on the death of my people, cannot settle my soul, it's restless. It's empty now. It's a vacuous space without you here to fill it; the filling evaporated with your life.

Seiryuu is cruel. He took you from me too early. I would have rather he have taken me than you, my beautiful lady. You had so much, I had so little. It isn't fair… For your love and sacrifice, you shouldn't have been deprived of life. If I was god, I would turn back the clock for you and bring you back to me… Give my life for yours.

But I can't.

Nor can I bring myself to bury you, even though I now face the mausoleum at the back of the imperial palace. At least you'll get buried where you're worthy of it, with other ladies and lords, my beloved.

With the help of the straggly remains that are the imperial servitude, I prepare to lay you, my dearest beloved to rest. I continue to cradle you in my arms as if you were only sleeping

…but I can't pretend any more. I know you're dead.

It hurts so much.

I love you…

I miss you; how I miss you…

_And it feels_

_And it feels like_

_Heaven's so far away_

_And it stings_

_Yeah it stings now_

_The world is so cold_

_Now that you've gone away_

Go ahead, I'm powerless… I'm empty… I'm anything but human; I miss her, life is meaningless without her. Never did I think I'd be affected by a death besides my dear mother's, but it seems that I was, by that of my beloved lady, the beautiful woman I loved but never whispered into her ear the words of: "_aishiteru_".

Your fist through my chest hardly is painful. It only fails to add to the pain that resides there by the departure of her; a hole in my soul that will never been filled by anyone else. It'll be an empty void that I'm fated to live with.

I couldn't have stopped you; you finally became stronger than me.

It seems you've won. Good for you.

It's not okay that you've seen my memories. Your tears are worthless to me, nothing but a weakness and pity. I don't need the pity of anyone.

I realise now I'm fading from this world…from both worlds…

So, it'll mean my death. That's fine by me. I really have nothing to live for now. The only thing I have is waiting for me in death.

The bony hand of death should take me fast, but this stage between death and life is a cold world filled with uncertainty

At the end of this coldness and uncertainty is the warmth of her…

Soi.


End file.
